Audio Reminders

6 Mar

I was talking to my mom the other night on the phone and she told me that she’d been down in the dumps. I asked her why. She said it had been the anniversary of Grandma’s death on March 1. And I was like, Oh. I feel like such a jerk/horrible human being for not remembering. I couldn’t quite think of what to say to make up for the fact that her mother died a year ago, so I didn’t say much. I tried to change the subject to something frivolous.

Last night, Jim was at his guitar lesson. I went to Macy’s and tried to spend the rest of my gift card (since the store closest to me is closing). I also tried to return a wedding gift and I was treated badly there, so I will never go to another Macy’s in my whole life, most likely. Which is a shame. Because I found two great pair of jeans that fit me without hemming. But I hate their customer service skills. Those people need some career development and fast. (P.S., I realize that my Lent give-up was buying clothes, but I literally could not find anything else to spend the damn card on. I think God is okay with it).

Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I went home and ate and cracked open a new book. It’s a Wally Lamb book. He’s an amazing writer. Marla, I think you’d like him a lot, actually. I was deep into reading, when I heard through my wall “…THE ONE THING I THOUGHT WAS THAT YOU’D BE LOYAL TO ME! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.” And then, silence.

It was almost most disturbing that there was no yelling before or after I heard that. I feel so bad for my neighbor – she has two children, probably one at 2 years and one at about a year. I didn’t hear from them again until after Jim got home. I heard some slamming of things and doors and “GO HOME WITH BEEETSSSY.” And that was pretty much it. She screamed at him a little bit outside, but nothing that we could distinguish and that was it. After the squealing of tires, all was quiet on Chancellorsville Drive, but Jim and I were stirred up.

We both just sort of looked at each other and I said, Jim, promise not to cheat on me, okay? And he promised. And I promised the same.

Of course, last night I had a million dreams, all of which I was the star. I was the star who was performing the part of being a horrible human being. In one very graphic dream, I cheated on Jim – it was horrific how realistic it was. I think I’m just scared of becoming a terrible person and hurting everyone. Which is spurned by not remembering my grandma’s death and also by how close a cheating heart was to my household.

I hope my neighbor is okay.

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2 Responses to “Audio Reminders”

  1. JESS March 6, 2009 at 5:15 am #

    My ABSOLUTE biggest fear- especially because I feel- that Corey is so smoking hot. And even more especially- because several gymboree moms and my Ria have confirmed that thought by actually saying- OMG HE IS SO HOT. Im turning into a paranoid jealous woman!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!! No fear MCEbel. The Jimmy would never do that to you!

  2. Marla March 6, 2009 at 9:22 pm #

    I want to borrow the book. Don’t be paranoid about infidelity.

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