Christmas Wish

22 Dec

Remember when Christmas used to be fun? I mean, it is still fun, but there was a time when it held such hope and promise.I just remember Christmas feeling different before I knew exactly how the world worked.

Before I knew how much bad stuff there was in the world. That people still get hurt on Christmas day. That young people die. That cancer exists and can take you down. That not all families get along. That you don’t always get what you want for Christmas. That some people are alone, and always will be. The list goes on.

We had White Elephant at work today which felt chaotic and rushed. I didn’t even get to finish eating my carry-in dinner. Then we were in a three hour meeting where we did not accomplish what we needed to and we ended up getting in an argument that could not be resolved, which has never happened to my team before. It just definitely made me feel soured and worn out. I don’t feel like I make a difference and I’m tired of feeling like I’m spinning my wheels in the mud.

I wish for that innocence and naivety back. I wish not to feel pressure to remember so many little details – like what the kitchen colors of my sister-in-law are so I don’t get her bowls that clash with her kitchen decor. That’s so not what Christmas is about. Christmas is not about cooking all day and throwing out batches of burnt food and spending so much money.

I wonder what Jesus thinks of his birthday.

What do I want? What is ideal in my mind? Instead of bitching and moaning I guess I should figure it out. I would prefer for Christmas to be more relaxed. Where I can see my family and we can play board games and pass around homemade gifts while sipping cocoa. Where not just a few people are responsible for cooking/bringing all the food. Where we wouldn’t have to rush to get to this destination and then to the next. I wish everyone’s family could get together. Harmony, warmth. Church at midnight with candles held. Watching the children open up gifts and believe in surprises. Little miracles and much happiness. No stress, no drama. Laugher at old Christmas memories and remembrances of family who are no longer with us. Warm food in our bellies. Everyone pitching in to help. Love.


One Response to “Christmas Wish”

  1. Jess Miller December 22, 2009 at 10:48 am #

    Great post. I really found alot of value in what you shared. Keep it up!

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